Can Polling Places be Popular
For the first time in American history, come November 4th, we’ll either be voting for a black man or a woman. Assuming, of course, you are not a Republican. And this amazing departure of the status quo of stodgy old white guy candidates is bringing young people out to vote in a way that MTV’s Rock the Vote never could. With this influx of voters looking for a different kind of presidential candidate, the time has come to do something about where they vote. Our polling places, in other words, need what every reality show worth its Nielsen numbers provides: a major makeover.
Although there’s a polling place in every neighborhood, they tend not to be in the most charming locations — usually they’re in some tucked away carpet store you never noticed even though you’ve driven by it a million times or a fire house with no parking or a dilapidated elderly rec center that smells like Vicks VapoRub and pea soup.
Why are the polls never in places we need to go to anyway — say, the mall, the car wash or the grocery store? I mean, why not set up polls in every major grocery chain? There’s plenty of parking, everyone knows exactly where their local store is, and you can kill two birds with one stone. Run in, get your shopping for the week out of the way, and vote for the President!
Polling places are run by volunteers, which seem to always be doddering old people who can barely read the small print on your driver’s license and can never find your name on that long print out, let alone help anyone with those newfangled polling machines. We need smart, motivated high school students manning the polls. Why don’t schools give extra credit to kids who volunteer or set up a system where the student council of each high school helps run the polls in that district? This would be efficient and instill the importance of voting in the younger set.
Here are some additional ideas for making polling places more popular:
- 1) Sell Starbucks coffee at the polling place.
- 2) Make Starbucks the official polling place. Give a free latte to anyone who votes Democrat.
- 3) Hire super hot Abercrombie and Fitch employees to man the polls.
- 4) Give out free Pinkberry frozen yogurt.
- 5) Set up Guitar Hero stations in between the ballot boxes.
- 6) Serve beer.
