For Love of the Game
In the last two Presidential elections, there were giant voting debacles. Florida miscounted votes in 2000 and low and behold, Bush beat Gore. In 2004, Bush again took the prize after old machines caused polling problems in Ohio. Because our voting system doesn’t always seem to be fair and square, I say that we should throw away the polls and instead rely on a great American standby with impeccable rules and guidelines: the game show.
Since the scandals surrounding quiz shows in the 1950s, strict laws have governed the integrity of their outcomes. And between old favorites like The Newlywed Game and new primetime juggernauts like Deal or No Deal , more Americans watch and love game shows than actually show up to the polls and vote. So instead of months of expensive campaigning, occasionally boring speeches and unpleasant smear ads, Obama, Clinton and McCain should battle it out in front of the country on a variety of game shows. Instead of winning cash and prizes, of course, they get the Presidency.
Presidential candidates are always spouting that they are not above the people but of the people. Putting them on Family Feud , a game show that tests the contestant’s knowledge of what the average American thinks, is the perfect way to see if their assertions are accurate. Obama, Clinton and McCain could put together a team of five, using their best aids and consultants, and see who scores the most points guessing what 100 people said was their favorite Thanksgiving dessert.
The Moment of Truth, a new Fox show that is equal parts riveting and revolting, forces people to answer absurdly personal questions while strapped to a lie detector. On this, we could finally cut out the political correctness and get to the bottom of McCain’s real beliefs on how long we should stay in Iraq , Clinton’s feelings about what “sexual relations” really means, and Obama’s alleged dislike for Pennsylvanians.
Having the candidates on Jeopardy without their researchers and aids would reveal their general knowledge of hundreds of topics including history, science and potent potables . Putting them on the spot answering trivia would not only be telling, but watching McCain try to sweep a category on Jane Austin novels may well be far more entertaining than watching caucuses.
Clinton, McCain and Obama all talk about grand economic problems and solutions, but do any of them even know how much a gallon of milk costs? When was the last time one of them went to the hardware store and bought light bulbs, Krazy Glue or a lawn mower? A few rounds on The Price is Right would show if our candidates are in touch at all with the day-to-day struggles people have with their income and the economy.
The President of United States should also have stellar negotiating skills. And what better arena is there to showcase this than on Let’s Make a Deal? That show is all about instincts, choices, and making sure you don’t trade in a Cadillac for a camel.
Don’t buy any of this? Well, consider the fact that if the nominees had been forced to go on Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader? in the last election, John Kerry would in all likelihood be our current President.
Interesting argument. I will say that if the 3 candidates were to appear on a game show, I would definitely watch.
But really? You’re sure John Kerry is smarter than a 5th grader?