The Name Game
I didn’t know I had a “porno name” until I was a teenager. I introduced myself to a girl at a party and she looked at me with a squint and asked, “Are you kidding? Your name is Ride Her Strong?”
For a while, I considered using my middle name to shake things up. But that wouldn’t help. Because, you see, my middle name is King.
I consoled myself by deciding that it wouldn’t come up that much. I mean, come on, making fun of a person’s name? Who actually does that?
The answer is, a lot of people. When even Richard Roeper of Ebert & Roeper couldn’t resist making fun of my name mid-review of a film I was in, I knew it was universal.
And if you’re a presidential hopeful, it only gets worse.
There are those who think there’s a value to simply pointing out the man’s full name: Barack Hussein Obama. Granted, I’m sure there are a few conspiracy theorists out there — the kind of people who connect the dots between 9/11 and JFK’s assassination via the number 666 and the fact that Mercury’s in retrograde. Those nut jobs may genuinely believe Obama is connected to Saddam Hussein, or that one letter away from “Osama” is the equivalent of one step away from terrorism.
But when we hear about this name issue, it’s usually in the form of criticism: bloggers and commentators from all political spectrums will ask if we can believe that someone is repeating Obama’s middle name to arouse fear by association.
That’s giving the name mockers more credit than they deserve; I honestly don’t think there’s much thought behind it. When Bill Cunningham makes a refrain out of Obama’s full name, it’s simply to be as immature as possible and to get himself some press. It’s playground taunting, the adult equivalent of “Obama-Obama-bo-bama, banana-fana-fo-fama…” I find it odder that McCain apologizes for Cunningham, which makes it seem like the name is some kind of precious secret we need to hide from an unwitting, unthinking public.
Perhaps because I’ve been through my own teasing, I’m not that bothered by the inane insulters but more concerned with the overzealous defenders. After all, who’s more condescending — the idiots that throw out Obama’s middle name like raw meat, hoping someone will bite, or the critics who implicitly assume that the American public could be so easily duped?
In my experience, the people that mock names honestly don’t think it’s a big deal; they’ll do it right to my face. I went to a doctor once who saw my name on the chart and said, “What, did your parents hate you?”
And that’s a mild example; such people don’t understand that they’re being rude. For them, name mockery is fair game, precisely because a name is arbitrary. That same doctor would never look at me and say, “Your parents must have been ugly.” It’s understood that we have power over our names, unlike other superficial characteristics. We’d have to get plastic surgery to look better, but we can stroll down to the county clerk and fill out a form to change our names.
But why should I? And why should Obama?
In reality, a unique name is ideal if you want to be separated from the crowd. But America’s long had a love-hate relationship with individuality and conformity. We want everyone to be unique…to a point. You’re free to be yourself, but if that puts you on the margins, everyone else is free to laugh at you.
It comes as a surprise to people that when I was a kid, no one actually made fun of my name. I grew up in Northern California, where unusual names are…well, usual. I went to school with an Opal, an Oshyan, a Sonoma. In general, names make perfect sense in their cultural context, whether that’s a foreign country or an American minority — in Obama’s case, a little of both (in my case, American-Hippie).
I’d like to think that everyone can look beyond something as superficial as a name, but the truth is, like height or beauty, it’s a judgment criterion many use and simultaneously don’t recognize. No one wants to be superficial; it’s just that a lot of us can’t help it.
What we can help is not stooping to the same level if the issue arises. When Mitt Romney “mistakenly” confused Obama and Bin Laden, Obama’s reaction was entirely dismissive. Like a flag pin or a bowling score or countless other so-called issues, Obama insists, “the American people are smarter than that.”
I remember back in 2007, when Obama’s name would come up in discussions, someone — even among the most progressive crowd — would invariably pose the question, “Do you really believe America would nominate a black president?” The assumption of external racism was an impediment to their own support. That kind of logic had the potential to become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Now, fortunately, it looks undeniably possible. Let’s not make similar assumptions that our fellow citizens will take the name bait; let the mockers make fools out of themselves. They will soon be left alone on the playground, quietly and sadly singing to an empty set of swings, “…me-my-mo-momma, Obama…”
I’ve thought about the ways to say your name, and quite frankly I thought it was sexy… But I realized you HAD to have come from American Hippies. That’s awesome. You didn’t get stuck with a boring name. There were 3 girls with my first and last name in my college the same time I was there… and you can’t really mess up on the spelling.
I just realized even admiring your birth name may seem offensive… it IS just a name as you say. I apologize.
I still think it’s sexy though and THAT I wont apologize for.
Wow, this may sound a bit ingenuous, but I honestly never had any other connotations of your name cross my mind. Maybe I grew up in a different time (I’m probably more close to the hippies themselves). I’ve always just taken names at face value.
I did, I must admit, buy the Shirley Ellis record (a 45). Boy, am I dating myself.
I manage a database of over 25,000 contacts and I can tell you, your name is more normal than any of them. If there are people who try and mock your name, you can take comfort in knowing that. I promote events and get hundreds of new contacts to add to my database every week, and some people have extremely unusual names. Your name is a very normal name. Everyone’s names pretty much sound like something. It’s not uncommon for people to make an association between a name and any word or words it may remind them of. What is really intolerable, though, is when and if they voice the association in a negative manner intended to tease or hurt someone’s feelings. Richard Roeper is an idiot whose opinion of movies is irrelevant as is his opinion of your name. These movie critics love to try and make up one liners hoping to sound clever just as jerks like Bill Oreilly and Rush Limbaugh and Ann Coulter and their ilk try to make up catch phrases and keywords to brainwash the people who follow their programs… they just want the things they say to stick in people’s heads, because if the things they say stick in people’s heads… some people may mistake their memory of the catch phrase or keyword for being fact.. and those who do will end up beleiving that people like Richard Roeper or Bill Oreilly or Ann Coulter are actually credible sources of information for whatever it is they were talking about… and that helps their careers. So they don’t care about facts, they don’t care if they are bashing good honest politicians, or if they are bashing great actors, or whatever it is they are shamelessly trying to make themselves out to be credible judges of. They just want to get paid and they have no souls. But lots of good people out there see through them.
well said mr. strong. Obama is faced with many challenges, name included, and yet people across the nation keep voting for him. Thanks for the essay, keep writing.
Hi Rider,
Good Job! Well Done! Keep up the good work. We’re proud of you.
Your Cousins,
Doug & Betty Patterson
Nice article. I’m from Northern California, as well. I’m used to unusual names! heh. Never thought much of your name until I read this article, but I’ve always loved it ’cause it’s unique.
A unique name can be a badge of honor. It all depends on the owner’s mindset. Those of the sound bite mentality will associate the worst with Obama’s name, but that is not his problem. It’s their’s. A Barack Hussein Obama by any other name would still smell as sweet.
Not a bad article. I never thought of your name is a porn name…weird. later friend.
I’m very glad to see this topic expressed so exquisitely. Beautifully done. <3
Hey Rider,
First I have to say: you wrote a wonderful article. Keep up the good work!
Now about your name. I have never thought in this way. My last name isn’t easy to pronounce.
But I think whatever people may say, you’re name belongs to you. And you can be proud of it. Besides, it would be boring if everybody would be called John or Eric, right?
I just think you have a great name that a lot of people will remember. I certainly will.
So keep acting and writing, but I guess nobody can make you stop.
Lisa
Hi Rider !
First, just to tell that I’m a french girl so excuse my mistakes…
!
About your name…I never think about this (I think it’s because I’m french). You know this kind of joke I knew it
At the beginning I didn’t like that but after when someone say this kind of thing you think that it’s just someone who has nothing to do
The first time I read your name, I thought it was an original name ! I love riding a horse so I think about something in the same way…( a horse rider ?) and “strong” such a good adjective ! A strong rider
You have a so cool name !
Now, I just want to tell you something : I love the way you write
!! It’s really pleasant to read something like that ! It’s a very good job and I’m sincere !
You’re a talented actor and a talented writer.
I wish a very nice day (or may be night?) !
Nella a french fan.
Your writing is really good, and your passion about the subject is equally moving. Straight to the point, concise and unapologetic. Thanks for writing this.
I’m not an American, but I do feel strongly about the current presidential elections happening there. All I can say, really, is thank you for putting your thoughts into words and writing this.
As an end note, I grew up watching Boy Meets World, and Shawn was always a favorite character of mine… But I never thought anything of your name, “porno name” or otherwise. It was unique, yes, but nothing else.